Even in Death
by rottenapples801
Summary: Threeshot. I tightly squeezed my eyes shut and brought my hands to my ears. I wanted everything to go away. Yet, I didn’t want it to... "No. I won’t break. I won’t break. I won’t break. No matter what happens. It’ll take a lot more than this to break me."
1. Chapter 1

_**HEY GUYS… JUST A QUICK THREE-SHOT… I'M JUST WRITING THIS TO VENT OUT A FEW OF MY EMOTIONS… SORRY, I KNOW I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN MY FANFICS BUT… I'M JUST… I DON'T WANT TO GIVE YOU GUYS ANY DEPRESSING CRAP… SO YEA… THANK YEW!**_

I opened the window and closed my eyes as the chilly midnight breeze filled my lungs. I leaned over the windowsill and sighed. Opening my eyes again, I looked up at the moon hanging in the sky, showering the world with its beautiful yet, lonely presence amongst the many stars in the darkness.

"_Momo…"_

No. I was hearing it again. I tightly squeezed my eyes shut and brought my hands to my ears. I wanted everything to go away. Yet, I didn't want it to.

NO! I can't think there! I'm forbidden from thinking there!

I immediately tried to occupy myself with other thoughts. What I had for dinner. What movie I saw. What I wanted to be when I grew up. What schools I wanted to go to. My friends. My hobbies. My-

"_Momo…"_

I can't take it. One look. One look can't hurt or change anything…

Was what I thought.

I slowly opened my eyes like a jumpy child pushing open the old, rusty gates of a haunted house. Tears came to my eyes at what I saw. My heart rate accelerated to the dangerous point of it pounding against my rib cage. I clenched my hands into fists so tight that they started weeping tears of blood from the newly-formed, crescent-shaped cuts on my palms.

First, he was just the shadow from the dark, eerie space beneath my bed. Then he seemed to… just fade into my vision like a figure emerging from a fog. His presence was both terrifying and welcome.

No. He's not there. I shouldn't move. If I just ignore him, he'll eventually go away…

The moonlight poured over the smooth planes of his face, bringing out his extraordinary turquoise eyes. My fingers itched and sizzled to reach out and stroke his face. He took a small step towards me. I stepped back. A hurtful expression flickered in his eyes at that moment like a small flame being blown out in a dark, windy night. I was close to breaking.

No. I won't break. I won't break. I won't break. No matter what happens. It'll take a lot more than this to break me.

His perfect lips parted and released two syllables.

"_Momo…"_

That was all it took.

The tears exploded from my eyes and gushed down my cheeks in the heaviest downpour my heart would allow. I quickly ran towards the angel and wrapped my arms around him, breathing in his velvety scent. I felt arms of stone wrapping around me in a loving embrace. I looked up at him with my teary eyes and reached forward.

I'm just seeing if this is real. Just seeing if this is real. If this is real. If this is-

My fingers brushed against silky, white strands of hair.

He's real.

A sob of relief broke through my lips as my embrace around him tightened like a drowning person grasping onto a life buoy. He leaned his cheek on my head and sighed.

"_I'm so sorry, Momo…"_

No. Don't apologise. It's okay. It's okay…

I lifted my head and looked at him in the eyes. Brown into turquoise. Friend into friend. Lover into lover. The living into the dead.

My soul cringed at the last statement. I knew that the truth hurt sometimes. But I never thought it'd be so excruciatingly, heart-strangling as this. A tear rolled off the corner of my eye and down my cheeks. I quickly turned away and concentrated on anything I could outside the window.

The moon. The moon. It's round. It's in the sky. It's lonely… lonely.

"_Momo… don't cry… I can't stand it when you cry… please… look at me, Momo. Look at me…"_

I breathed in a deep breath and turned my head to look at him again with my tear-stained eyes. Before I had any idea of what was happening, I felt his lips brush on mine. I gasped and looked at him, my eyes wide and my lips parted.

His lips. They were so cold. But at the same time, my own craved to feel them. I opened my mouth and managed to say something. It came out more as a croak as I hadn't said anything for the past eight months. No. Since he… since he… died.

"Toushiro. I can't do this. I want to be with you. I can't take this anymore… "

"_Momo. Don't __**ever**__ say that again!"_

"I'm nothing without you! Life is nothing!" How my voice raised into a yell was beyond me.

"_Don't be stupid! Do you even know what you're saying?"_

"I do! Toushiro, you are my life. Or you were… but life isn't life anymore without you-"

I tried to finish what I was saying. But I couldn't. I didn't want to. Because that meant that I'd have to pull my lips away from his. The frost radiating from his lips onto mine felt strangely intoxicating. I nearly giggled at the light, feather-like touch of his tongue tipping my bottom lip, asking for access.

I hesitated. But I let him in. Our tongues clashed and they both danced with each other for dominance. My mouth felt so warm compared to his but strangely, I liked it. No, I needed it. I wanted it. Badly. Before I could comprehend, he rose to be the dominant one in the kiss. He explored my mouth while his hands grasped onto my hips so hard that it was guaranteed that they'd be bruises left there. Strangely, the corners of my lips lifted into a smile at that thought.

Rather bizarre, isn't it? Smiling at the thought of having bruises on your hips from a kiss…

Toushiro wouldn't have ever needed to but he knew my limits. He tore himself away from my lips to allow me to breathe. I gasped for oxygen, the unnoticed burning sensation in my lungs immediately fading away as the light throbbing in my swollen lips kicked in. If that kiss had gone for even a few more seconds, I swore that I would have suffocated to death.

That would be a nice way to go…

I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in but I was stopped when his lips moved. He was saying something but I couldn't hear him. My eyebrows creased in confusion and frustration. What was he saying? His eyes reflected the emotions of love and care but I couldn't hear what was coming out of his mouth. I cupped his cheeks and leaned in anyway.

To my horror, my lips met only air as they went through his form. I stumbled back and desperately tried to hold onto him but my fingers would only slip through. It was like trying to grasp water. I let out a cry when he started fading, a heartrending light shimmering in his eyes.

Then the worst thing that could possibly happen, happened.

**I WOKE UP.**

_**CONTINUED IN THE NEXT CHAPTER.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**SECOND CHAPTER BUT NOT THE END… THANK YOU TO AURELLE AND UNFORMIDABLE TRUST FOR THE REVIEWS… ^^…**_

* * *

A scream tore through the silence of the morning. My scream.

I was surrounded by the darkness behind my closed eyelids. I felt my bed beneath me and the stone-like, sturdy arms of my dad holding me down so that I wouldn't thrash around everywhere.

"Momo, honey. Open your eyes." The sweet, melodious voice of my mother seemed monotonous and dreary through my ears and heartache.

I didn't want to open my eyes. Anything was better than having to face reality. Why was life so cruel? Why did it let me feel so blissful in the false land of dreams then wake me up with a splash of cold water to the face? Why couldn't life just leave me alone? Why did I have to live? What was there to live for?

However, no matter how hard I tried to deny or ignore it, reality was always there. Gnawing at the back of my mind and taking it away. Bit by bit.

He's dead. He's dead. He's dead.

"Momo, open your eyes. _Please_."

I couldn't refuse that voice. I felt the soothing cool of my mother's fingertips brushing the hair off my sweat-drenched forehead.

His fingers were cold…

I slowly opened my eyes but I only saw a blur or figures through the tears that clouded my vision. I felt the tip of a glass on my lips. I opened them a little, letting the glass tip a little and pour some water into my mouth. I brought my hands up to my eyes and wiped the tears away. My dad grabbed a bottle of pills from my bedstand and took out two pills before handing them to me. I popped them in my mouth and drank some water to help them down.

Anti-depressants… they only do the exact opposite of what they're called…

My mum leaned forward and laid a kiss on my forehead while my dad firmly squeezed my hand. I winced and pulled my hand out of his. His face fell. Just a few weeks ago, that squeeze on my hand would have been nothing but a love-filled gesture. But now, with my weakened state and threatening skinny build, it felt like my bones would snap with any given pressure.

My parents both got off my bed and walked out of my room together. My mum turned around before she shut the door and blew me a kiss.

"I'll bring you breakfast in a few, peaches."

Why my mother even bothered to bring me breakfast anymore made me wonder. She knew that I refused to eat. Well, I didn't exactly call it "refused." It was just that… I never really felt the need to eat. I didn't feel the need to do anything. What was there to do when I didn't even want to live?

I sighed and turned my head to look out my window when something caught my eyes. A bottle standing amongst the many bottles that stood on the surface of my wooden bedstand. In fact, there were so many that some had toppled onto the floor and rolled beneath my bed. I didn't bother fetching them though. More bottles would mean more pills. How would they help?

I reached for the blue bottle that seemed to call to me and grabbed it by the lid with my skinny fingers. I read the label:

**SLEEPING PILLS.**

What happened next was all a blur to me. I had opened the bottle and poured all of its contents onto my bed, the tiny, white capsules falling onto the blanket. I hastily grabbed them all in my hands and raised them to my lips. But I stopped.

No, wait. Not this way. Not just yet.

I cautiously lifted the blanket off my body so that none of the pills would fall onto the floor. My feet slowly got down and met the timber floor of my room for the first time in what seemed like eons. The cold surface touching the bottom of my feet sent a shiver crawling up my spine. I shuffled to my desk and took out a red pen.

It took me quite some time to pull the lid off due to my drained strength but I somehow managed to twist it off after many tries. I got back onto my bed but didn't lie down. Instead, I stood on it and faced the wall behind it.

What am I going to write?

What I was going to write… I thought about it deeply for a minute but then wrote only one sentence everywhere. On all walls of my room besides the ceiling. Even the doors, windows and floor. When I was done, my room looked like someone had tied red paint bombs to a fire cracker and set it off. I inwardly smiled at the thought as I grabbed the pills and put them in my mouth while reading the same sentence off my walls over and over again.

* * *

_**PEOPLE DIE, BUT REAL LOVE IS FOREVER.**_

* * *

Today was the day. The day the pain ended. The day that the hole burning through my chest from the inside out stopped killing me. The day Toushiro and I would be reunited again.

* * *

_**TODAY WAS THE DAY I DIED.**_

_**CONTINUED AND FINISHED IN NEXT CHAPTER… WITH A SLIGHT TWIST…**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**THE LAST CHAPTER!!!!... WOW…**_

…

Mr and Mrs Hinamori both stood in front of the grave of their beloved daughter, neither one of them moving a muscle. It had all happened so fast. Too fast. The death of their angel was so sudden that they couldn't even stop it. Their hearts refused to accept reality.

Hinamori Momo was dead.

And it was their fault.

* * *

**Doctor Kurosaki emerged from the surgery room, preparing how he was going to tell them. However, before he could take another step towards the waiting room, a small, petite figure had dashed towards him and grabbed onto his doctor's coat.**

"**How is my Momo? Is she okay?" Mrs Hinamori lifted her tear-stained face and looked up at the doctor, large, brown eyes shining with hope. The carrot-head felt guilt once looking into the mother's sleep-deprived eyes but it didn't change when he looked back up into the eyes of Mr Hinamori. How was he meant to tell them? That they'd never see their daughter again? That it was impossible to save their daughter in the first place? That she'd been long dead and cold to the bone when she was rushed to the hospital?**

**The doctor looked away to the side but the corner of his vision didn't miss the woman letting go of his coat and falling back into her husband's arms. Tears fled out of her eyes and down her pale cheeks, drenching Mr Hinamori's sweater. He wrapped his arms around his wife and wept into her hair.**

"**She's gone. Our little girl's gone. Never coming back... it's all my fault!" The grief-stricken whimpers of Mrs Hinamori quickly turned into agonized wails, echoing through the halls of the hospital.**

"**Sshhh…" The father's attempts to calm his wife down were in vain as his own heartbroken sobs were choking his voice. "It's my fault too…"**

* * *

If only Momo wasn't introduced to Toushiro when she was four.

If only they hadn't thought that an arranged marriage would have been better for Momo's life.

If only Momo was allowed to love freely as she wanted and deserved.

If only Mr and Mrs Hinamori hadn't called the two lovebirds while they were driving on the road on Momo's birthday.

If only they hadn't got into an argument with her lover on the phone and distracted him.

If only they had hung up the phone call before the lorry sped around the turn.

If only Mr and Mrs Hinamori hadn't instructed and paid the doctors to lie to the two lovers.

If only Momo got the truth.

Mrs Hinamori eventually ran out of tears to shed as she squeezed her husband's hand. The howling wind seemed to carry the many whispers of wandering souls through the graveyard. At some point, the two parents were absolutely convinced that they heard the laughter of their daughter ringing through their ears but they knew it wasn't possible. She was gone. She couldn't come back. She never would.

* * *

**Ichigo wasn't going to be able to watch this anymore. He quietly turned around with the intention of being unnoticed by the couple and letting them mourn over the sudden departure of their daughter but a hand had grabbed his arm. He turned around and quickly aided Mr Hinamori in helping Mrs Hinamori stand on her legs without falling over into a heap again.**

"**She never got the truth… Did our Momo die for a lie?... Our poor Momo?..."**

**The doctor tried to hide the confusion on his face but it was already noticed.**

"**Honey, you should sit down and sleep. It's been… a lot of things have happened…" Mr Hinamori sat Mrs Hinamori on a chair in the hallway and sat himself next to her. The woman lay down with her head resting on his lap, tears still dripping from her brown orbs. Sleep started to take over her conscious state and it didn't take long for her to fall unconscious. The man twirled his wife's hair in his fingers.**

"**You probably noticed that she looks exactly like her mother. Except she's a bit taller…" A sad smile graced the chapped lips of the father. "She… was in love with a childhood friend."**

**Dr Kurosaki wasn't sure if it was right for him to listen to this information but he still listened. How could he just walk away?**

"**But we never approved of it. I guess it was because of his somewhat cold demeanour and strange appearance but… Momo said that he was never the icy man he was when he was alone with her. But I guess it was just the fact that Momo was arranged to marry another man that didn't let her love him as freely as she deserved."**

* * *

Yes. It was definitely true.

Their Momo wouldn't come back. They had sealed her cruel fate without even realising it.

* * *

**A nurse came with her hands full of cups of coffee. She offered the steaming beverages to the two men but they both politely refused.**

"**One day, the two were going somewhere for Momo's birthday… I think it was the beach or something but… My wife and I were enraged as they never told us that they'd be going anywhere together. We called her lover's cell and ordered him to turn his car around and return Momo but that distracted him from the road and they got into an accident. Their car collided with a lorry and flipped over three times."**

**The orange-haired man scratched the back of his head. As devastating as it was, the story was so common.**

"**They both survived."**

**Or maybe not.**

"**But we instructed the doctors in that hospital to tell each other that they were dead." Mr Hinamori's voice started to shake uncontrollably and he held his head in his hands to hide the tears that surged down the planes of his face. "We then moved here with Momo for a fresh start with her thinking he was dead and thought she'd get better but… she only got worse…"**

**Ichigo raised his hand and placed it on the older male's shoulder as he got up to leave. "I'm sorry for your loss."**

**He turned to go back to his locker but he was stopped.**

* * *

Yes. Nothing was the way it had seemed. Beneath the shimmering romance and rosy emotions of their daughter's forbidden relationship were the twisted hands of cruel fate, ticking. And ticking. At a pace that nobody could keep up to even if they ran.

Everyone had fallen over without realising it.

* * *

" **I'll never guess what she really saw in him… but… now that I look at it, their differences were what made them so… perfect for each other… even that cold name… Hitsugaya Toushiro."**

**The doctor froze and his breath hitched as his eyes widened, his lips parting in shock. Did he just say?… He cleared his throat and interrupted the man.**

"**I'm sorry but can you please repeat that name?..."**

"**Why, does it sound familiar to you?"**

**Dr Kurosaki turned himself around little by little to face Mr Hinamori's confused face. The brown-eyed doctor's lips pursed as his eyes narrowed.**

"**Follow me."**

**The man looked hesitant as he glanced down at his sleeping wife again but the doctor had grabbed a blanket out of a cupboard and covered her with it. Mr Hinamori slowly lifted his wife's head off his lap before following Ichigo out of the room.**

**The two men both walked down the white corridor, the smell of chlorine stinging the back of their noses. It was a smell that was impossible to get used to. Ichigo turned a corner and stopped at a room, also halting Mr Hinamori. The orange-haired doctor hesitated for a moment but opened the door.**

* * *

Yes. Fate was cruel. Father time was too. Why he had suddenly decided to reach out and play them like marionettes was completely incomprehensible. What did they do to deserve this?

* * *

**Mr Hinamori's brown orbs widened at the sight in front of him. He cautiously stepped towards the figure in the bed like a rabbit approaching a sleeping wolf. He reached out and brushed his fingertips on the patient's wrist. However, the person in the bed did not rise from his slumber. He probably didn't even feel the fingers on his wrist.**

**The brown-haired man turned back to Dr Kurosaki with eyes of disbelief and denial. How could this be? Was it real? But… then… how? Why?**

* * *

Whoever said that the truth will always catch up with you was definitely telling the truth.

* * *

"**Toushiro and I were childhood friends since Grade school." The doctor began. "Best friends. Even when he moved away after graduating to university. Then around a year and a half ago, he started acting differently. For the better. Turned out he had a girlfriend. One day, he told me on the phone that he was going to propose to her on her birthday. Then, he got into an accident but he survived."**

**Kurosaki took his own steps into the room and leaned on a wall before continuing his story, "He was in comatose for the past eight months or so though. He was transferred here two months ago so that I can pay the fees."**

**Mr Hinamori turned around. "What about his family?"**

"**He had none."**

**Even though the last three words had no real intention of any effect, they were like a knife to the older man's ears.**

* * *

Yes. The truth definitely did catch up to the Hinamori's. In the worst way they could imagine.

* * *

**The brown-eyed doctor inwardly cringed at the look of peace on his childhood friend's face. It was like he was sleeping. But it was too peaceful. Almost emotionless. The mechanic rise and fall of his chest was the only sign that he was alive besides the warmth his body still possessed. His skin was so pale that the arteries and veins in his limbs were visible. It was like his skin had been peeled off and replaced with a thin layer of porcelain. He had also become impeccably frail, like a marionette without strings. It made him look so delicate. So breakable. So… vulnerable. The polar opposite of the head-strong and lively Hitsugaya Toushiro that lived in Ichigo's memories. **

**The person lying in the bed hooked on machines and tubes a few steps ahead of him was certainly still Hitsugaya Toushiro. However, he didn't lie there as the man he used to be. He was no longer living. He was just… there. The Hitsugaya Toushiro that Kurosaki Ichigo knew had died eight months ago in that incident.**

* * *

Was it possible for something to look so sick and horrifyingly dead that it was somewhat beautiful at the same time?

Yes.

Was it possible for something to be living in the past but dead in the present? Was it possible to bring them back?

* * *

**The orange-haired man's lips stretched ever so slightly into what seemed to be a sad smile. He stepped forward and stood next to Mr Hinamori.**

"**He's perfectly healthy. He should have woken an estimated week or so after the accident but… the doctors say that something's holding him back from coming back. But what you have said just made things a whole lot easier for me."**

**Mr Hinamori's head shot up in curiosity. Could it be? No! It couldn't! Was it?...**

"**His life support was meant to be turned off a week ago but I insisted on keeping him alive."**

* * *

No.

* * *

**The older man's mouth dropped open and he was about to protest when the doctor butted in.**

"**He has no family. Results show that he should be paralysed from the waist down because of the accident and he's lost his lover. I don't think there would be anything for him to live for if he does wake up."**

**The brown-haired man clenched his fists. "You shouldn't give up so easily on him! He's your best friend!"**

**Despite the accidental raise in his voice, Dr Kurosaki remained calm. But his voice was somewhat, brittle. Like a wine glass being hit too hard with a spoon or fork. "And what if my best friend was you, Mr Hinamori? Which would you prefer? Momo probably doesn't even know that he's alive and breathing."**

* * *

Many people asked why they were born. What their purpose was in the world. What they were born for.

However, what if fate was planning on taking them all away from the start? Would they still be born? Why? Why did they have to be born to live in a hopeless world with no reason to be alive?

* * *

**The doctor immediately regretted his words when the father's eyes started to shine over with tears. The crystalline droplets pooled at the rims of the umber orbs before running down his cheeks. He covered his face with one hand as his other hand supported his leaning body on the wall.**

**Sobs filled the room.**

**The carrot-head's scowl turned into a grimace as he brought his right hand up to his face and pinched the bridge of his nose. He breathed in a lungful of oxygen before releasing it in a long sigh. Why did he always manage to say the wrong thing at the wrong time with most of his patients? Why?**

"**Sorry. I didn't mean to involve her… that way."**

**Mr Hinamori drew in a shaky breath but didn't release it until his sobs ceased.**

* * *

Because life was cruel.

Because life was never fair.

Because what went around didn't always come around.

Because good things didn't always come to those who waited.

That was just… life. The way of the universe.

There was no such thing as happiness that would last forever. There was no such thing as second chances.

Momo had wanted a chance to be able to love and live her life. But they messed it up.

They ripped out the pages of the book because the story was not written the way they had planned. Because they were scared of the ending.

* * *

Mr Hinamori let go of his wife's hand and took a small, timid step towards the grave where their daughter lay. He laid a golden ring on the earth before stepping back to his place. Mrs Hinamori laid her hand on her husband's shoulder and pecked him on the cheek before walking back to their car. The brown-haired man's eyes softened, knowing that he should get going too.

He hesitantly reached forward with another ring and laid it on the grave next to Momo's. He stepped back again and watched the sun set over the tombstones, casting an eerie, yet warm, orange glow.

The man turned away.

* * *

**Here lie the bodies of Hinamori Momo and Hitsugaya Toushiro.**

**-**

**PEOPLE DIE BUT REAL LOVE IS FOREVER.**

* * *

_**WOW… I ACTUALLY FINISHED THIS… *SIGHS*… I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING BUT THEN UPDATING SOMETHING UTTERLY DEPRESSING AND BADLY WRITTEN WHEN I FINALLY DO… I PERSONALLY DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY THIS LAST CHAPTER WAS WRITTEN BUT I'D ALREADY DRAFTED IT SIX TO EIGHT TIMES AND IT WAS JUST SOMETHING I FELT LIKE I HAD TO GET OUT… AS FOR MY OTHER STORIES… THEY'LL ALL COMPLETELY PLANNED AND THEY'LL HOPEFULLY COME AROUND… OR… I WILL… THANK YOU SO MUCH TO THE REVIEWERS OF THIS STORY!**_

…


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